This is something that is a work in progress for me...
Prior to having the girls I had been told that having multiples is like getting on a rollercoaster ride and not having the option to slow down or get off. Others told me stories of friends that were still just trying to SURVIVE day to day and the constant struggles and tears. I heard all of these words and thought...I am sorry that they are going through that but I don't think it will be that way for
us. We see these two as a blessing we have been giving, and God would not give us more than we can handle.
Well I still believe that
wholeheartedly, BUT looking back now, I see where these wonderful women were coming from. I cannot believe that 10 months have gone by SO quickly. Actually the last year....It was just a little over a year ago that I spent a weekend in the hospital followed by 11 LONG weeks on strict bedrest to assure that these little angels were going to stay put,
cookin' as LONG as they needed to. Our rollercoaster ride started last October and seems to be slowing down, some.
The mental journey I have gone on is unreal- from:
During pregnancy-Are these babies going to be healthy? Did I do something AGAIN to cause this?- I thought I was being so good, and taking care of myself... , I don't want to stop working yet!, let me just make it to 28, 30, 32, 34 weeks, I am going to be OK having a C-section...How can we support everyone with mainly just Todd's salary?, and so many others.
To...
After their arrival- How in the world an I going to take care of these three by myself? How can I possibly nurse two babies, what was I thinking- I had a hard enough time with one!? but I feel like a failure... I hate needing Todd to help at night but I can't do this alone,
Severe sleep deprivation, dare I say colicky babies...twins can be difficult enough to bond due to the intense
demand of two newborns, so when you throw in breastfeeding issues and very upset, uncomfortable babies-WOW! Does Lucas feel left out or unloved? How can I make cakes and take care of everyone? Will I ever make it out with all three by myself or will we be destined to just stay in solitary confinement at home? I could keep going but you get the point..
So the point of all of this is my life was
thrown completely OFF BALANCE. In a good way but still, shaken to the point where I think I had forgotten so many things that were/are important to me.
Well I have very slowly learned that life NEEDS balance. And I am trying to walk that fine line. I need to balance my life in so many facets. I have to give enough of myself and my time to all of the kids, my husband, my work, my home, and MYSELF. I capitalize that because, well- as you other mommas out there know....This area tends to be the last on the totum pole and is most often completely neglected OR very seldom visited. If I don't take care of myself then I can't take care of all of the other areas very well either. I say this but believe me- it is a
constant struggle to remember it. So I am trying to carve out time in the day for ME amongst the other things and I have found that I am a much better person for it. And other things-communication, blogs, facebook, etc. seem to take the backseat pretty frequently out of necessity. I wish this wasn't the case!
If you know me
well you know that I
struggle to ask for help or unload my thoughts-feelings-hurts, even when I am drowning- emotionally, physically, mentally...That is just a stubborn, independent quality I was born with. I know it isn't good, but it is me- I am trying to change that. I know that is not how God made us, we are to lean on others and ask for help, we were designed to live in community with one another. I am not sure why I function this way- maybe it is a deep hurt from my past. I dunno.... I do miss my friends and family very much and wish I had more contact with everyone more often. Phone calls are so hard to make during waking hours with the kids and taking out brood to someone else's place takes lots of effort and planning. We love it but sometimes I feel like a burden too...But things seem to work out.
So I am trying to achieve this overall balance and seem to be getting better at it as we approach the girls first birthday. Some days are great others, well- not so great...I can only hope that things continue to improve and I start feeling even more so that I am not just treading water but living each day to the fullest and enjoying all of the moments- even the crazy ones!
This was actually post trick-or-treating and look at those grins! Love it! :)
Can you guess what these two were? Yep- Spaghetti and Meatballs courtesy of momma. I had fun making them for these cuties.
Peyton
Kayleigh
This was the original design, but as you can see...they didn't "dig" it as a hat. so we went with the alternative. It became a vest! I think that was some pretty great ingenuity on my part ;)
Our favorite Superman :)
Don't mind the decapitated Spiderman, that was going to be his costume so his bucket would have matched but he switched it up on us last minute. Thanks to Ne-Ne for the sweet bucket though, he LOVED it!
Flying Superman
Don't you wish you had those abs? ;)
Our favorite Superman :)
Don't mind the decapitated Spiderman, that was going to be his costume so his bucket would have matched but he switched it up on us last minute. Thanks to Ne-Ne for the sweet bucket though, he LOVED it!
Flying Superman
Don't you wish you had those abs? ;)
